happy birthday, mom!

2020.4.24:
first the god made the world
to hold our feelings,
then the god made humans
to appreciate our world;
and when I became fully human
I came to appreciate my mom
and the way she worked the garden of my life:
planting the seeds and pulling the weeds,
opening the light, and asking our god
for the attention a struggling life needs.
I'm thanking the god for this world,
these feelings, and my mom;
happy birthday 2020, mom!




I was surrounded by homeless men on an Easter
in a religious charity shelter mission.
. I received visions (waking dreams)
explaining life and my place in it;
and I felt the god was acting as a father.
. the visions explained that the sine wave
was named sin() because it it was an infinity of
ups and downs with no real progress;
the stars formed the image of a man
and the man was a point of light
in yet another constellation, ad infinitum
(revealing the fractal nature of the universe?);
[or  reminding me that life is bigger than self;
and your real self is bigger than your own life:
self includes community and the plans of the god.]-4.27
. there was a gathering of eyeballs merging,
and the final merging involved great tension,
followed by a great relief,
that reminds me now of having integrity:
being the same person to everyone.
. there was an obelisk upside down;
and, I was staring at the bottom of it,
which represented my place in life:
it seemed I was at the very top,
but everything was upside down.
. I also began experiencing telepathy:
I would daydream of struggling with someone,
and one man would make noises synchronously
as if he was the one being subdued.
. telepathy evolved into schizophrenic symptoms
where some of my thoughts were not my own
(thought insertions)
and those thoughts were being sent to others
(thought broadcasting)
telling others things I didn't want to say.
. this caused me to ask myself,
how could thoughts travel between brains?
what was controlling my thoughts?
the supernatural is more than a rare father,
it could be influencing all my thoughts;
and it could be a source of emotions too;
I wondered if there was any me at all:
we are really just pawns of the supernatural.
. I became less trustful of my selfish emotions;
and more thoughtful of others;
typical of people of who are religious!